THE DOWNSIDE TO THERAPY

In all admittance, the first thing to say here is that a bad therapeutic alliance can occur and it can be re-traumatizing. That’s the worst scenario, but I believe this happens rarely compared to the number of good therapy alliances and sessions that occur daily in the world. Of course, these more rare events are the ones that make the news. The benefit of these news, is a reminder that we need to be cautious and picky, especially at the beginning of therapy, when we choose to work with someone. It is, in this sense, best to enter the therapeutic process like you would enter a new deep relationship…slowly.

In what way, however, do I think that a certain kind of worse could end up being something for the better? Well, the therapeutic process always calls back into the foreground of your consciousness, the toxic and unhealthy patterns we are living through or have lived through in childhood. The hope is always that these patterns would find the expert hand and soul of a therapist that would allow you to get to know these patterns and even to overcome them. 

However, the reality is that often a therapist will only be able to take you part of the way. When the therapist’s own insights, knowledge, and capacity for understanding and compassion are exhausted, the therapeutic alliance can begin to crumble, and with it our own recovery. At least for the moment. Often, such situations will lead to a closing of the therapeutic process with that therapist, and in these moments, one might find oneself feeling worse than when they began. This kind of worse is still a therapeutic plus though, as the breaking down of the therapeutic alliance has brought to the surface something that was once hidden and powerfully manipulating our lives from the unconscious. 

So, finding someone else you can work this situation with is the best thing you can do for yourself, however hard that is. Those who, unfortunately, make a final and ultimate decision about therapy, stop where they are, and never address the underlying issue again, will continue to linger in that toxic state, essentially acting out their self-sabotaging mechanisms, withdrawing and closing down, in a time when it would be most important to reach out for help. But it’s understandable, I have been there myself! Asking for help when we are not doing well is really difficult. 

Blaming is, on the other hand, really really easy, and in the short term it works wonders because “Oh God, how good it feels to be a victim again!”. The lesson to keep in mind here is that in most cases, a therapist, and anyone in your life for that matter, will only be able to take you part of the journey forward. Accept this, and you will much more likely not suffer a breakdown in any therapeutic or other relationship.

Look after your Heart,

Your Shrink in Bansko