CHILD NEGLECT

Child neglect occurs when the parent is willingly or unwillingly unable to fulfill the child’s basic needs. We are not talking about basic food, clothing and shelter needs alone here, but also basic needs for trust, emotional security, bonding, nurturance and generally speaking positive attention.

In neglect what is important to recognise is what is not done for the child rather than what is, addressing the trauma of neglect as the feeling that you are not welcomed, or that no one really cares about you (Russ Hudson, founder of the Enneagream Institute)

More specifically neglect begins when the child's brain does not get what it is biologically programmed to receive: attention and feedback (return) for its trial and error experiments (serve). The 'serve' of the child begins when he looks at something, makes an utterance, drops an object, or extends his arms, and the 'return' happens when the adult notices these things and responds to the child.

Under conditions where serve and return is broken you are literally pulling away the essential ingredient of the development of the human brain architecture (Megan R. Gunnar Ph.D. Institute of Child Development)

A fact that should be intuitve knowledge to all of us who have experienced a child-adult interaction, and a fact so elegantly captured in the famous "Still Face" experiment carried out in the 70s by Edward Tronick, but replicated in many parts of the world ever since, including with the use of phones.

So if the back and forth interactions between the child and the adult, shape the child's brain and ability to connect and trust, then neglect occurs when the parent is consciously or unconsciously neglecting the impact that his or her role have on the child's development. The impact of this emotional disengagement is so important that the child's cognitive interest in the world can be severely impaired, leaving him or her vulnerable to ill intentioned others. 

Relatedly, the word abandonment brings up images of a small child or kitten left by the side of a trash can or left behind in a shopping mall, but we may also think of abandonment as an extreme form of neglect. It derives from the parent being emotionally unavailable, sometimes a direct consequence of a parent not being there physically, but not always. 

As this brief but poignant TED talk shows, the kind of abandonment that results from a carer being emotionally unavailable, can really cause pervasive psychological turmoil while attracting very little attention and support. The case in question is filled with abuse, and not all cases of deep neglect are, but should make the concept of abandonment more clear.

So if any of these experiences resonate with you or someone you know, do not hesitate to bring the subject of neglect to the forefront, giving this deep emotional scar the validation it needs.

Wishing you Well,

Your Shrink in Bansko